DVD Release
Die You Zombie Bastards! (2005)
R1 / NTSC DVD
Image Entertainment/ 2005
Director: Caleb Emerson
Writers: Caleb Emerson, Haig Demarjian
Starring: Tim Gerstmar, Piipi Zornoza, Geoff Mosher,
Review by Vaughn Drake
After a rather confusing opening few shots, meant to be some sort of backstory, we meet three nubile blond anthropologists searching for a long lost and possibly mythical creature. Within moments they decide to go frolic naked in the ocean. Later on, while in their underwear, the three of them get captured by the evil Baron Nefarious and turned into green-skinned, purple-nippled zombies.
We then cut to our hero, Red Toole, a cannibalistic serial killer and his cannibalistic wife, after a hard day at work. She presents him with a gift: a superhero costume made from human skin and they proceed to eat raw human flesh. Soon they’re enjoying a picnic of human flesh and brains on a beautiful summer day when she gets kidnapped by the evil Baron and will be made to become his wife! Red tries to get the police involved, but they won’t help him, so he becomes a superhero serial killer and has to follow clues that take him all over the globe. His goal: for those zombie bastards to die! and to save his cannibal wife, Violet.
If that brief description sounds a little confusing, imagine the rest. There’s nothing in the way of a cohesive plot and everything is there merely to entertain. If you can imagine a b-movie plot device, it will probably be used: giant robots, dog men, ninjas, naked chicks, giant rubber cocks, giants bugs, a solar eclipse, evil machines, Vlad the Impaler and of course zombies.
This movie knows its pedigree and doesn’t try to be anything other than what it is: a salute to all the low budget schlock out there. The average moviegoer won’t be able to enjoy it, but for those who get the joke, it’s a fun ride. There are so many in-jokes and un-pc moments, that fans of independent and low budget horrors will enjoy it. If you aren’t one of these people…avoid this like the plague, because you will hate it.
