Theatrical Poster
For those of you that know nothing about this film, lemme fill you in really quick. Wicked Little Things was originally entitled Zombies and was occasionally referred to as The Children early in the production. The film was written by horror scribes Jace Anderson & Adam Gierasch and Tobe Hooper was initially attached to direct. Unfortunately, something appears to have fallen through and Hooper left the production and was apparently replaced by J.S. Cardone and renamed, Wicked Little Things (natch!).
I sat down hoping for an edgy little zombie flick and walked out as the credits rolled wondering why this didn’t go directly to the Sci-Fi Channel. This was most certainly not a theater worthy film and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the film Hooper would have shot. With the work Hooper has been putting out lately, I wouldn’t doubt it.
Wicked Little Things is a “been there, done that” type film that heaps on buttloads of clichés and never once bothers to offer us anything new or original. If you’re a horror fan then you’ve seen a dozen films (probably better films) just like Wicked Little Things. Lemme break the story down for you…
Karen Tunny (Lori Heuring) and her two daughters, Sarah (Scout Taylor-Compton) & Emma (Chloe Moretz), head out to a family home they inherited after Karen’s husband passed on. The house is located on a remote, mining mountain in Pennsylvania. Like all big mysterious homes, this place has a history dating back to the turn of the century and a tragic mining accident that took the lives of dozens of immigrant children. Local legend says the woods around the home are haunted by the ghosts of the dead mining children. Big surprise there.
Naturally, strange things begin to go on and a mountain crackpot responsible for hurling jars of blood at their door warns Karen not to allow her child near the mines and to never go out after dark. Are the children trapped beneath the mine really returning to the world of the living every night to satisfy their lust for flesh and blood or are they waiting for a revenge far more Biblical?
When Karen’s eldest, bitchy daughter Sarah and her friends are attacked by the weapon wielding zombie children, Karen is forced to finally accept the fact that the children are real. She flees with Sarah into the forest in search of Emma with the children hot on their trail and thirsty for blood. Is Emma already dead or is Mary the ghost protecting her? Will Karen find Emma and find a way to stop the children before everybody dies?
You really wanna know? No, you don’t. As I stated above, if you’re a horror fan more than likely you’ve seen at least a dozen films JUST LIKE THIS ONE. Shit, Hooper just directed one almost identical to this called, Mortuary. Interestingly enough Mortuary was ALSO written by Jace & Adam. What’s the deal there? This felt so tired and played out by the middle I considered leaving but that just wouldn’t be fair to all of your faithful Joe Horror readers so I remained in my seat.
Lemme rattle off a few clichés you’ll find in Wicked Little Things…
1. Single mother and two kids. Eldest is bitchy and mean, youngest is imaginative and sensitive.
2. Youngest child befriends a ghost. Family chalks it up to an imaginary friend.
3. Cellphones don’t work.
4. Crazy Ralph / Obi Wan Kenobi type kook shows up.
5. Scary hand on shoulder bit.
6. Super lame “I’ll be right back” moment of investigation. He never came back.
7. Flickering/dying flashlight.
8. Tripping and falling down while running.
9. Fumbling & dropping keys.
10. “They won’t hurt you Mommy” sappiness.
Yeah, Wicked Little Things drags out all the same old, same old and parades it around like it’s all brand new to us. You won’t be surprised when Karen and her daughters live, the bad guy gets his, the kook saves the day and the children can rest in peace.
Did I spoil it for you? LIKE YOU DIDN’T SEE ALL THAT COMING ANYHOW. Really though, nothing in this film will keep you guessing, there’s no tension, no real consequences. This should have gone straight to DVD without passing go or collecting $200. Believe it or not, I’m a big fan of Cardone’s Mummy ‘an the Armadillo and figured I’d really get something interesting from this film but apparently Cardone has become somewhat of a “go to guy” when it comes to dreadful sequels and rehashed trashola like this. What a shame.
Do yourself a favor and save yourself a few bucks and avoid this snoozer at all costs. Granted, it’s not the absolute worst out there but you’d do better saving the rental fee and purchasing yourself a book of crossword puzzles, breath mints or a banana flavored novelty condom from your local sleazy gas station bathroom.
