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I’m the sort of person that values my free time. I like to be doing something, whether it be watching the television, reading or even doing the goddamn washing-up.
What I don’t like is having my time wasted, it annoys the hell out of me. For example, if someone invites me around to their house at a particular time I don’t expect to be sat there twiddling my thumbs whilst they get their shit together doing things that should have been done a lot earlier.
The same goes for movies. I really don’t care if it isn’t a masterpiece, in fact I don’t really care too much if the movie was churned out but a talent less hack who was given a camera for their birthday, and immediately decided that film making was their career of choice. Hell, some bad movies are worth their weight in gold.
Last week however I experienced the zenith of shite on film. An experience so mind-numbingly abysmal that I fell asleep at least once, meaning I had to start over again which really pissed me off. A waste of time? Fuck, I’m thinking of writing to the people responsible and asking for their heads on a platter. That, or at the very least a 15 page essay expressing their heartfelt apologies to me.
Bollocks, that would just be more time wasted!
The movie in question, as you may have guessed, was Slumber Party Massacre 2. I honestly didn’t expect much from it as part 1 wasn’t exactly mind-blowing. A very average movie that somehow warranted a sequel, as is usually the norm in this genre.
I thought I’d give it a go though. It couldn’t be that bad could it? Ha ha I even make myself laugh. Talk about an understatement.
Please bear in mind that I am a fan of the Slasher genre, so it does take a fair bit to piss me off. I think the only other slasher that has had a similar effect on me was the atrocious Camp Blood . But the less said about that the better.
So then, what the hell is Slumber Party Massacre 2 all about then? You really want to know? Damn, ok here we go then.
This movie centers around Courtney whose older sister finished off the killer in the first movie and now resides in the local mental institution. Unfortunately Courtney witnessed these events herself and is now plagued by nightmares of what happened. Although to tell the truth her nightmares seem to be a mixture of what did happen and some totally unrelated random bollocks that I will come to in a while.
She does have things to take her mind off the nightmares though. Those being a young fella that she has the hots for (of course) and the band that she plays in, which is bloody awful by the way.
Anyhoo, one of Courtney’s friends invites her, along with the rest of the band, to spend the weekend at her parents new condo. Of course the new house in miles away in the middle of nowhere, and appears to be the only inhabited house on the new development.
At first Courtney’s mother is reluctant to let her daughter go, she would much rather she went along to visit her sister in the looney bin. However, she soon gives in once Courtney brings it to her mother’s attention that it is her birthday this weekend and she’s much rather be with her friends enjoying herself than visiting her sick sister. How the Hell does a mother forget her own daughters birthday I ask you?
So off they all trek, seemingly without their band equipment which will miraculously turn up later, on their weekend off fun. Well the fun doesn’t last too long as Courtney soon starts to have, not only, nightmares but hallucinations too.
She believes people are being killed, chickens are attacking her (I shit you not) and other such nonsense. Please bear in mind that pretty much nothing resembling slasher mayhem has happened yet. But before too long, actually after bloody ages, her nightmares start to become reality. Then the shit really does hit the fan, but not as you might expect, as the movie then turns into some horrific rock musical.
I don’t really want to say much more, because it hurts too much to think about it. Needless to say though it is all just plain wrong.
I’m guessing that Slumber Party Massacre 2 was made as a sort of horror/comedy, as surely no one could be expected to take any of this seriously. The trouble is it is funny for all the wrong reasons. The jokes aren’t funny, but the acting, effects and just about everything else is. Oh, and calling the two police officers Voorhies and Kreuger? Not funny either.
This might sound like fun to some of you out there, but I can assure you it isn’t. This is the sort of movie that could scar someone for life. Or at the very least put them off horror movies.
Apart from just about everything in this movie reeking like public toilet, there was one or two good points. The first being the special effects during the murders. The killer once again uses a drill to splattery effect, resulting in plenty of chunks of flesh being thrown about.
The other good point is that after this you can pretty much rest assured that Slumber Party Massacre 3 can’t be half as bad as this. Fortunately it isn’t, but you can read the review of that elsewhere.
I won’t go on about the acting here, as I just feel sorry for all involved. Any writer or director that subjects their actors to a script like this should take the blame themselves for the awful performances on screen.
Sound like I’m being harsh? Well put it this way, this is the nice version of my review. Slumber Party Massacre 2 is a bloody awful movie that should only be viewed once, and that is so you can get it out of your system, and appreciate that movies you previously thought were bad now seem amazingly good.
Extras? Pah, don’t bother asking as Concorde didn’t bother supplying any other than three trailers and some cast and crew biographies. Nothing to get your hopes up for.
The only possible way I can recommend this is if you buy a box-set with all three Slumber Party Massacre’s in it. Even that would be risky though.
Great title, shit movie.
