DVD Release
Anybody noticing the whole “wake up in a building with no memory of how you got there” trend gaining popularity lately? I wouldn’t go so far as to say Saw created the trend but it really seemed to gain momentum after the Saw franchise attained “in” status. It’s like everywhere you turn there’s a flick coming out with a group of people that mysteriously awaken in a dilapidated building with no memory or who they are or how they got there. Obviously, this always leads to the “Ten Little Indians” scenario and ends with a grand revelation of who the remaining survivors are, why they’re there and who their captors are.
If some of you out there have been confusing this film with the recent Lionsgate release, Shadow Walkers, that’s totally understandable. Not only do both share similar titles but they also sport similar premises. The only thing Shadow Puppets (this film) appears to have over Shadow Walkers is better actors and production design. Unfortunately, their entire budget appears to have been blown on those better actors and production design because their creature was absolutely pathetic.
I don’t know about some of you but I’d much rather see latex hand puppets or a man in a monster suit than some silly cartoonish CG tomfoolery. I mean Christ Almighty…imagine John Carpenter’s The Thing without the rubber monsters and slime? Can you even fathom a film like Evil Dead 2 using CG instead of latex and Claymation? FANS DON’T LIKE CG UNLESS IT IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY. Really though, do your homework…take a look at all the greatest horror films in the genre’s history and you’ll see that our favorite monsters have always been created the good old fashioned hands on FX way.
All ranting aside, Shadow Puppets was relatively watchable but highly forgettable. The one and only memorable thing about this film was Jolene (“Star Trek: Enterprise”) Blalock’s astonishingly hot body. She looked phenomenal in that Ellen Ripley-style colonial marines panty ensemble and had a wonderful rack with perpetually erect nipples but…um…where was I…uh oh yeah…that just isn’t enough to keep most viewers interested. At least it wasn’t for me anyhow and that’s saying quite a bit because I’m a dirty pig.
The story isn’t anything new; a smoking hot chick (Jolene Blalock) awakens to find herself locked in a padded cell wearing nothing but teeny tiny panties and a skin tight tank top. After making all sorts of racket she apparently draws the attention of some “thing” stalking the halls. Once it moves along on its merry way the doors automatically open and she meets a rather good looking gentleman (James Marsters) in the same situation as her. They both team up and happen upon another couple hiding out in a cell. They all decide to split up and do some investigating hoping to find some answers as to where they are and who they are! Not only do these people not know where they are and why they’re there but they’ve no memory of who they even are!
The first couple comes across a strange room containing smashed computer equipment as well as a braindead old chap strapped into some sort of electronic contraption. Before they can do a bit more poking around they’re assaulted by a muscle-bound madman dressed in the same clothing as them demanding answers with a lead pipe. The trio scuffles and, once again, the commotion attracts an unseen creature to the location. Before they can escape, the creature reveals itself from the shadows to be none other than…THE SHADOWS THEMSELVES!
[ENTER WONKY CG MONSTER]
Anyhow, the race is on and the two desperate prisoners meet up with the second two prisoners and the four begin picking up people along the way. Their goal is to escape the facility before the shadow creature can get its claws on them. The question remains though, “Who are hospital/prison staff and who are criminals and crazy people?” Somebody has to be responsible for the creature and somewhere in the building lies all the answers the group desire. Is the creature really their greatest concern or is the psychotic Steve (Tony Todd) released from a cage the one they should really keep an eye out for?
MEH. Shadow Puppets is one of those films the director would like to claim is “scary” but honestly it really comes nowhere close to being so. There were definitely a few sequences I would consider “mildly exciting” but they were so far and few between that most end up being rendered completely ineffective by the presence of such a lame monster. I’m not sure why some indie filmmakers even bother to do monster movies if they’re going to just have some goofy ass-hat of a monster whipped up on the computer.
While none of the actors in this film are what I’d call “big stars” they’re all solid sci-fi & horror geek draws. Blalock played super sexy Vulcan and First Officer T’Pol of the starship Enterprise in the short-lived television series, “Star Trek: Enterprise”, alongside genre underdog Scott (Lord of Illusions) Bakula. James Marsters played the Billy Idol inspired anti-heroic vampire Spike in the cult fave bubble gum horror television series, “Buffy The Vampire Slayer.” Finally, Tony Todd…well…you all BETTER know Tony Todd. So yeah, as I stated above…the actors are all genre faces so I’m sure fans will pick this up based solely on their names.
The production design was wonderful and really went a long way toward establishing a creepy mental hospital atmosphere. Unfortunately, mental hospitals that look like that are no longer believable; the days of Bedlam and Danvers are long gone. Mental hospitals today resemble legal offices, not dank basements.
Shadow Puppets looks and feels like a Sci-Fi Original film which means the acting is decent, the production design is solid and the CG made my butthole cringe. If you’re able to look past the poor creature and the silly jibber jabber explanation regarding the origins of the creature, you’ll more than likely find this a better time-waster than picking your nose or urinating through a soda straw.
