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It seems hard to fathom now that we’ve become a civilized nation, but during the Dark Ages, the Friday the 13th series was the subject of controversy, derision and hatred. Famed movie critics Siskel and Ebert hated the franchise so much, they actually gave away the ending of the first part on national television. Bastards. As with anything that garners controversy, derision and hatred, the series also was deemed worthy of serious study by film-school types who love to read too much into things.
We at Joe Horror are most perplexed by these folks, who seem to believe that every single movie has underlying psychological intent and motivation and who search desperately for sub-text where none exists. We live by the tag-line for Last House on the Left: Just keep telling yourself… “It’s only a movie… it’s only a movie… it’s only a movie…” Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, you know?
Having said that, I happened to run across a review of Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives in an old scholarly film review magazine. I would like to compare the way they review things with the way we review things. That way, you can choose which style of review you prefer. If you like the way we do things, congratulations. You have found a home. If you prefer their way, get the fuck off this website, you thick-lensed, elitist pig-fucker. I’m sure James Lipton is on somewhere.
They say: “The character of Jason seems to represent an overweening national Id, representative of the natural extension of the actions of the Moral Majority, seeking to destroy all those who rebel against their strict morals and mores in which free thought and free will are punishable by death.”
I say: Jason is cool as shit! Corey Feldman killed him in Ft13: The Final Chapter and that in itself is friggin’ awesome. So in this one, that character, Tommy Jarvis, all grown up, digs up Jason’s grave just to prove to himself that Jason is really dead. He brings a buddy along with him (Ron Palillo, from Welcome Back, Kotter) for back-up. After the coffin is opened, Tommy stabs the corpse with an iron fencepost. It’s pointless, but cathartic. Unfortunately, lightning strikes the fencepost and Jason is brought back to life, a la James Whale. And boy, is he pissed! Not James Whale, Jason! The first thing he does is kill Horshack! Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Tommy runs away, because he knows the shit is about to hit the fan.
They say: “The exploitation of children as potential victims is vile and reprehensible, but it does underscore the vulnerability our young ones face in a world grown hostile, cold and un-nurturing. Do we actually send them off to summer camps, to be watched and guarded by people not much older than themselves? Is it not the blind leading the blind? What hath puberty wrought?”
I say: It’s all about the victims, baby, and there are plenty to choose from in Jason Lives. You’ve got the head camp counselors who meet a bloody end when Jason has a fit of road rage. Jason hits the road again to dispatch a particularly fey counselor caught banging a townie in her uncle’s RV. Don’t forget the children! The camp is full of eighth graders who instinctively realize a Bad Man is in the area. They realize death is at hand, but they seem cheerfully fatalistic about it. As one kid asks the other, “So, what were you going to be when you grew up?” Counselors, kids, cops and, in the movie’s most memorable sequence, a bunch of executives playing paintball, there’s a smorgasbord of slashees in them thar woods.
They say: “Films in the ‘slasher’ genre offer no entertainment value to any serious film-goer, instead giving cheap thrills to pre-pubescents, fascinated by the female anatomy, and blood-hungry malcontents, stuck in arrested development, unable to differentiate between fact and fiction.”
I say: I graduated from high school and even went to college for a while. I continue to be an avid reader and try to learn as much as I can every day. I have raised children, had meaningful human relationships and even managed to misplace my virginity at some point. I don’t quite remember it, but the pictures tell me it happened. So, as a reasonably intelligent published writer, let me just state that I like boobs, Jason is a complete bad-ass and nothing rounds out the evening like a good decapitation. Is that so wrong?
Jason Lives is my favorite part of the Friday the 13th franchise. While it may not have had the societal impact of Part 3-D, it has the highest fun factor. No, it isn’t Kane Hodder playing Jason, but that’s probably okay. Hodder’s intensity wouldn’t have been right for this one. If it’s possible for a Friday the 13th movie to be lighthearted, then Jason Lives is downright bubbly. Fast-paced, funny and featuring the awe-inspiring cinematic death of Ron Palillo, Friday the 13th Part VI is a great way to spend an evening.
They say: “The only suitable use for this film is as a sociological experiment, doing research on what kind of people would view it, cheer for the killer and still believe themselves to be kind and compassionate people once the credits roll.”
I say: You know what you’re going in for when you watch an Ft13 flick. Are you really looking for fine cinema? No. You’re looking for a good time, a chance to jump and flinch a little and if the Last Girl is hot, even better. If this movie had been made in France instead of in Hollywoodland, USA, the critics would have been on all fours with their cheeks spread, ready to give Jason a reach-around Oscar.
