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A few years ago, a friend of mine was dating a girl who was completely charmless, utterly wicked, bereft of all human decency and perhaps the most evil bit of mung to ever walk the earth. Still, she had one redeeming quality: she was able to watch disgusting things while eating food that looked exactly like the filth on the screen. She’d scarf down pizza during Braindead, fried chicken during Poltergeist, linguine during Alien and be totally un-phased. Once she began–BEGAN–a discussion on maggots while eating a side of rice. So I understand why he tolerated her for so long.
Still, I doubt that she would have been able to finish off a heaping helping of pistachio pudding during the heralded Passing of the Vomit Bowl scene from Bad Taste, but if she could… hell, I’D date her. Screw that, I’d marry her. Friends, I have seen a lot of horrible things, and the times I’ve come closest to shouting groceries on my couch have been due to watching Bad Taste, the most appropriately titled film ever made, with the possible exception of Ron Jeremy’s 1995 masterpiece, What’s the Lesbian Doing in My Pirate Movie?
For those of you not in the know, Bad Taste was Peter Jackson’s first feature film which he followed up with Meet the Feebles and Braindead (a.k.a. Dead Alive ), creating a de facto trilogy of high quality splatter destined to forever haunt the dreams of twitchy horror detractors who only know Jackson from The Lord of The Rings . I’ve actually heard people say that his Academy Award should be taken away because of these early films, so you know they must be good. Bad Taste isn’t as intentionally offensive or laughably profane as Meet the Feebles, and it doesn’t quite match the quality or humor of Braindead, but it stands on its own as one of the most stomach-churningly grotesque bits of nastiness this side of Street Trash. It’s also a hell of a lot of fun.
The plot is as thin as the walls in an off-ramp motel, but it’s enough to serve as the life support system for the gore porn within. With no explanation as to how or why, a group of aliens running a fast food joint have discovered that humans make for some tasty burgers, and have decided to harvest a small village in New Zealand. “The Boys” from the national paramilitary squad A.I.D.S. have been called in to stop the aliens and save the country. The Boys, Frank (Mike Minett), Derek (Peter Jackson), Ozzy (Terry Potter) and Barry (Pete O’Herne) are a crew of likeable, good-natured blokes sporting some deliciously dated mullets.
In a legendary bit of budgetary genius, the aliens have found a way to successfully resemble human beings, although they all wear the exact same denim work clothes and stagger around like drunken toddlers with a thirst for blood. Actually, I think Lion’s Gate currently has Drunken Toddlers With A Thirst For Blood in production. I look forward to reviewing it.
While The Boys are occupied with stopping the nasties, a door-to-door evangelist type (Craig Smith) is collecting for a charity (or is he…) and is captured by the aliens to be used as nosh. The Boys attempt to rescue him, which leads to the wondrous aforementioned vomit bowl spectacle. After that, it’s pretty straightforward: The Boys try to save each other and snuff the baddies. Madcap antics ensue.
The bottom line: Bad Taste is stuffed from stem to sternum with plenty of action and one massive, gooey mess after another. Not to be contented with garden variety violence, we are treated to buckets of blood, bowls of vomit, and bevies of brain activity: brain eating, brain losing, brain re-inserting, brain re-losing, brain re-re-inserting, and brain re-re-losing…err, you get the idea. One of the most enjoyable recurring jokes is Derek’s continuous mission to keep his brain in the confines of his cracked skull (by whatever means necessary), and to stuff other objects in his noggin when he sees fit. His resourcefulness makes MacGyver look like a world-class choad.
There are a few additional interesting tidbids that I feel the need to share: As a bit of a sneaker freak, I must say that the footwear in this film is breathtaking. All the aliens sport kick-ass old school trainers that probably cost $4.99 at the New Zealand equivalent of TJ Maxx in 1984, but they’d sell for a hundred clams nowadays because they’re retro. It’s a small detail but it makes me grin every time. Also, several scenes from the film are used in the infamous, banned video for “Warlock” by industrial/experimental band Skinny Puppy, so after you watch the movie, check out the video and see how many clips you can catch.
We all need a smack upside the head with a good bit of nastiness like Bad Taste from time to time. The acting is atrocious, the plot is all but non-existent, and it won’t inspire a single thought, but it’s a full-on splatter classic and the ideal choice when all you want to do is have a few drinks and some laughs with your loosest, bat-shit craziest friends. Just skip the pudding.
