This is...A REVIEW!
I remember a time when you couldn’t wipe cinema’s big fat buttcrack without getting a little fantasy on your hands. Try as you might, no matter how hard you’d scrubbed, you just couldn’t shake the stink of testosterone. I like to call this eau de sauvage…MANTERTAINMENT. Films like Eragon, The Chronicles of Narnia and the Harry Potter series are all well and good but sometimes a man just needs a film he can get loud and obnoxious over.
It’s safe to say that 300 will no doubt go down in mantertainment history alongside such classics as Gladiator, Conan The Barbarian and Escape from New York. It’s that kind of movie guys! It’s got gore galore and one-liners that’ll send chills up your spine! Prepare for chest-beating, high-fiving and comments such as, “Holy shit!” and “No way! Did you see that?!”
Now, I’ll be honest, 300 doesn’t offer up a big complicated storyline. The film is based (loosely) on the historic Battle of Thermopylae in which three hundred Spartans and roughly twelve hundred soldiers and serfs from the surrounding villages and cities held back a Persian invasion. Obviously, the film 300 is a bit more fantastic than its historic counterpart though the historic account is quite fantastic in its own right. This particular cinematic re-telling of the three hundred is actually based on the award-winning graphic novel series written & illustrated by Frank (Sin City) Miller.
The film wastes no time kicking into high gear when a Persian messenger arrives in Sparta carrying the heads of conquered kings and a message for King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and his people, “Bow to Xerxes and be spared.” Naturally, Leonidas isn’t in the least bit impressed with this messenger’s attitude or his “divine” king’s “message.” Instead of sending the messenger back to Persia with a Spartan surrender though, Leonidas and his man kick Persian ass.
Leonidas knows it won’t be long before Persia and its massive fighting force are knocking at Sparta’s door so he must appeal to the oracle and Gods for guidance. Instead of being granted permission for war though, he’s told Sparta shall fall…period. Like any good King, and free man, he has no plans to allow his country to fall beneath the oppression of the God King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro of “Lost”). He refuses to sit idly by while the men, women and children of Sparta are taken as slaves and concubines for the Persian invaders so he gathers together three hundred of his mightiest soldiers and heads to the pass at Thermopylae (Hot Gates).
Joined by a few hundred Athenians, Leonidas and his men clash with wave after wave of bloodthirsty Persians including the deadly Immortals (Persian Imperial guards), elephants, rhinos and a giant. Despite Xerxes’ incredible military might, the Persian’s are simply no match for the Spartans and their tactics. When Xerxes fully realizes the force he’s up against he makes a final offer to grant Leonidas the title of warlord over all of Greece. Instead of bowing to the will of Xerxes and accepting the riches and “glory,” the King and his men continue to push forward slaughtering a few hundred more soldiers. It appears as though the Spartans may be victorious until the Persians, lead by a treacherous (and hideously deformed) Spartan ex-patriot named Ephialtes (Andrew Tiernan), ambush Leonidas and his men.
Meanwhile, back in Sparta, Leonidas’ wife, Queen Gorgo (Lena Heady), does her best to convince the Spartan senate to send their army out to help her husband and his men but her request is met with grim opposition. Can the three hundred hold on long enough or will they fall before the army arrives?
300 is an adrenaline fueled fantasy classic! I cannot recommend this film enough to those of you looking for some hard-hitting eye candy and no-holds-barred battle action. I gotta admit I was totally blown away by the visuals in this. For a film shot entirely on a green screen, it’s breathtaking. There were a few sequences that felt a bit too “two dimensional” for me but I truly believe 300 is a revolutionary film. There’s really only been a handful of films out there that have been shot entirely green screen before and this is without a doubt one of the best in my opinion. I figure we’ll be seeing more and more just like this as time goes on. Hopefully they learn to utilize the technology in a way that opens the environments up a bit more. Don’t take this as whining or anything but the film occasionally felt claustrophobic.
The acting in 300 was fantastically over-the-top and why the hell shouldn’t it be?!! This is war baby! We get all manner of grunts, screams, roars, hissing and whispering. Without a doubt, Gerard Butler takes the cake for being the bad assiest bad ass from Bangor to Bangladesh! His intensity could melt a Hyundai! The second runner up for coolest mothertrucker would definitely go to Rodrigo Santoro’s terrifyingly creepy turn as transvestite-ish warrior king, Xerxes.
Folks, I won’t bog the review down by nitpicking the he-man dialogue or gay-bashing hypocrisy of the Spartans…plain and simple…this is mantertainment. This should, no MUST, be watched with only one thing in mind…ENTERTAINMENT. It won’t raise your I.Q. and it may even offend some viewers’ sensibilities. That happens. You know what I did while watching this? I guzzled down a 6-pack of Mojo India Pale Ale, kicked my feet up and hollered my head off. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun watching fantasy.
If you’ve already seen this film and haven’t purchased it yet…grab the 2-disc special edition. If you haven’t seen this yet and you’re planning on purchasing be sure to spend a few extra bones and go for the gusto. The one disc release is bare bones aside from an audio commentary. Bare bones just doesn’t do this film justice. Unfortunately, I’m reviewing the single disc release as a rental so I was forced to give it a lesser overall rating. otherwise this would have received five stars all across the board.
