DVD Artwork
Folks, at one time Lionsgate was considered the hottest company in horror. They were the leaders of the pack, releasing horror films that were truly cutting edge. When the cinematic pendulum swung back in horror’s favor, Lionsgate was the company to watch when you wanted to check out the best and the brightest…
So what happened?
I don’t know what kind of opium smoking moon unit is heading up their horror acquisitions division but somebody is dropping more balls than an autistic dodgeball tournament! I’ve never see so many turds polished so brightly in my life! Time and time again we horror geeks fall for their “fancy cover” ploy and we’re always burned. Why, oh why, do we never learn??!!
It’s like when you’re in Thailand and you know you should take a peek down that hooker’s spandex shorts but you don’t…and then…when you get her back to your shanty town motel room that you’re sharing with several other people you find out SHE is actually a HE! I mean, sure you knew HER/HIS name was Jojo but that could go either fuckin’ way, right? RIGHT??!! The truly worst part about it is that it was like the fifth time you’ve been with Jojo!!
*ahem*
Anyhow, Jojo…Lionsgate…whatever because they’ve both got nasty surprises for you and you just keep going back for more despite the hysterical laughter your roommates dish out.
Santeria, while not completely shitty, is going to disappoint. Lionsgate should use that as a blurb.
One day while Ricky (Nito Perez Jr.), a young Hispanic boy, is playing soccer with his Father, he has a vision of a strange but beautiful woman standing in an alley beckoning to him. These visions soon begin to increase and the locals are convinced little Ricky is seeing the Virgin Mary and falling into a trance similar to those experiences by the three girls of Fatima, Portugal during the early 1900’s.
The locals start holding massive ceremonies in honor of the boy but his Mother isn’t convinced this is a good omen and she brings in her Santeria priestess for an exorcism. The egg exorcism, meant to trap the demon in the egg, fails and Ricky’s mother takes the spiritual matter into her own hands and attempts to smother the boy. Thankfully, his older brother frees him in time.
Meanwhile, Ricky’s cousin Sara, a paranoid schizophrenic on medication, begins having her own visions though hers are far more horrifying in nature. She comes to believe that this “Mary” is actually a fraud, a demonic entity bent on stealing Ricky for her own. Sara enlists the aid of a skeptical photographer and a born again televangelist in an effort to stop the entity. Each has their own reasons for helping Ricky. Their faith will be tested and a childlike innocence will be shattered. No one can stop the entity as it…blah blah blah. Don’t expect much.
First of all, right off the bat this film starts with a short “recap” in which the fates of Sara, her cousin Ricky and her friend Letty are revealed. Why in HELL would you tell us the end before the film even starts? What reason would I have to continue watching this film if you’ve already told me who dies and who lives? That was just plain silly.
Another thing that bothered me was the non-stop fades. Fade in…fade out…fade in…fade out…Christ! There was more fading in and out of this film than Al Gore giving a speech to a retirement home! You’ll also find that despite the title, you’re not going to get a ton of Santeria in this film. Imagine that, a film called Santeria with very little Santeria. That’s like watching a film called Latex Midget Nun Massacre and seeing no latex wearing midget nuns!!
Wow, now there’s a movie for you!
Anyhow, the film does have its positives. There were some genuinely creepy visuals, the acting was a step above the average z-movie dreck you normally see crawling beneath the rocks and some of the cinematography was quite effective. The score was also extremely eerie and the women were hot. Other than that, I don’t see this blowing anybody away.
The whole time I sat watching this I kept waiting for Robert Stack to appear on the screen. I could have swore this was one of those “Unsolved Mysteries” reenactments that ran just a bit too long.
Oh shit, almost forgot, remember when I told you about the little segment before the film starts that spills the beans on the characters? Well, they wrap the film up with the same damn thing! They tell us what happens to each character after their encounter with Ricky and this entity.
Santeria is just another Jojo with a brightly colored pair of spandex. Don’t bother looking in the shorts, just take your money and move on. Perhaps you can purchase some time with a few of those latex wearing midget nuns I mentioned above!
