DVD Release
“Based on the terrifying true events behind America’s scariest campfire tale.”
“Recalls the raw, savage horror of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Last House on the Left.”
“A modern 70’s Horror Classic”
“Campfire urban legend, Bloody Jack, comes to life in this brutal telling of the true story behind one of America’s most prolific serial killers.”
These are four of the ridiculous blurbs plastered to the outside of The Asylum’s latest “original” release, The Legend of Bloody Jack. Apparently this little snoozer wasn’t actually an Asylum production but rather one of those random little indie films they occasionally pick up for distribution. You’d think I’d be happy watching an original film instead of their being subjected to their goofy mockbusters but you’d be wrong…dead wrong. Fact is I love their mockbusters!
For starters this film has absolutely nothing to do with any real life “prolific serial killers” nor, to my knowledge, is there any “Bloody Jack” campfire tales. This film doesn’t even come close to tapping even a seconds worth of the inventive savagery contained in TCM or Craven’s Last House nor would anybody in their right mind consider this “a modern 70’s horror classic.” These blurbs are horribly misleading and a bit insulting to boot.
The film starts off with two paranormal “investigators,” Carol and Pat, entering an Alaskan forest in order to resurrect the spirit of satanic, lumberjack slash serial killer, Bloody Jack, for some half-assed “scientific” reasons. Mind you they have nothing but a camcorder and a compass to handle their “scientific research” but you work with what you have, right? So anyhow they raise Bloody Jack and neither makes it out of the forest alive. Big surprise.
Fast forward a few days later and a group of seven friends head out to the woods for their last big hoorah and the “Crazy Ralph” of the bunch begins relaying the story of Bloody Jack and the missing people (Carol & Pat) as told to him by a nutty gas station attendant. As can be expected, nobody gives a flying shit and they all continue about their business of getting naked and making out through the entire film until Bloody Jack makes his move!
Soon the friends are dropping like flies as Jack introduces each expendable idiot to his axe. Will any of the group make it out of the forest alive or will Bloody Jack finally rack up enough kills to reserve himself an honored place in Hell?
The Legend of Bloody Jack is not a classic. The Legend of Bloody Jack has nothing to do with any true story or any actual serial killer. The Legend of Bloody Jack is just another shot-on-video affair with an invisible plot and a killer lumberjack wearing a ninja wrapping over his face. This isn’t the kind of killer or film people will be flooding Asylum phone lines to demand sequels for.
I’m sure writer/director Todd Portugal figured he had a brainless little cash-cow on his hands with The Legend of Bloody Jack after having directed such amazing fare as The Blair Thumb and Thumbtanic but he was wrong…dead wrong (I’m lovin’ this saying it sounds so Cannon Films!). There was nothing remotely entertaining about this film aside from the occasional gore and the nudity and despite Portugal’s feeble attempt to explain away his daylight shooting schedule by claiming the film was set in six months of Alaskan sunshine…there was no tension either. Broad daylight and slasher films just don’t work well with one another and the ultra lame contrast adjustments to the movie to simulate encroaching darkness (read: evil) didn’t impress me in the slightest bit.
I’m positive this film will make wads of loot overseas as Portugal has followed the old “Give them nudity in the first 15 minutes of your film” rule but I personally think this will quickly be forgotten before the end credits roll. The gore was decent, the constant barrage of tits wasn’t unpleasant and the “film look” program Portugal used to give his DV cheapie a gritty, low grade film stock look was kind of nifty but that’s pretty much where this movie’s good points end for me. I won’t watch this again…ever.
If you’re wondering how the acting is…you apparently haven’t read a word of my review. The acting was your usual low budget effort and I’m sure some of the weak dialogue didn’t make it any easier. You get what you get and what you get is a step above porn acting. I wasn’t moved by any particular performance but I wasn’t disgusted either.
I think the one and only thing I find truly impressive was the amount of extras The Asylum have included with this less-than-epic dud! They’ve included a widescreen transfer, 5.1 Surround Sound, a behind the scenes featurette entitled “The Making of Bloody Jack,” Storyboards comparisons, outtakes, an audition reel and a makeup featurette. Quite the haul considering the turd being offered. If you end up actually enjoying this…you’ll probably love the extras though I honestly find it hard to believe many will care enough about this pile to actually look through the extras.
The Legend of Bloody Jack was a waste of my time and chances are it’ll be a waste of yours as well. If you’re a slasher fan with no standards whatsoever though and you’re able to derive “entertainment” from the slightest jiggle of a soaking wet flapjack titty…well by golly this is the film for you!
