X-Rated Cartoon
What do you think of when you think of porn? Don’t answer out loud. Got it? Okay, now imagine seeing all of that in a cartoon. Yes…a cartoon. Imagine seeing bestiality, rape, masturbation and animated orgies…if you’re having a hard time imagining that then you need to get you a copy of Severin Films’ Once Upon A Girl! What a fun, twisted little affair!
Once Upon A Girl was written & directed by Don Jurwich, the mastermind behind such amazing cartoons as The Flintstones, Scooby-Doo, The New Tom & Jerry Show and G.I. Joe: The Movie! I’m positive there was some kind of fallout concerning his role in this X-rated cartoon but there’s not much online regarding it. I can imagine there was quite a backlash in some circles though.
I must say, I was quite surprised and delighted to be able to check out a cartoon like Once Upon A Girl because porn has just lost all imagination these days. Remember the days of Fritz, Debbie, Miss Jones and Deep Throat? Back in the day porn films were interesting and occasionally imaginative. The women were natural, the men were hairy and you got what you “came” for. Sure, you may come across some wild and inventive porn flick but that’s rare. They just don’t make flicks like Runaway Midget anymore!
Once Upon A Girl tells the tale of old Mother Goose (Hal Smith of The Andy Griffith Show), arrested and tried on charges of obscenity. The court demands that Mother Goose tells her stories in order for them to see just what all the excitement was about. Mother Goose proceeds to relay three hot and horny tales of depravity!
The first story is about the “real” Jack and the Beanstalk! Jack is quite the nasty little pervert and loves to peep at bathing women as well as such the teats of his Mother’s cow! After getting into some trouble, Jack is commanded to go the sell the cow for a good price. On the way to town Jack is stopped by the 8th Dwarf of Snow White fame…his name is…Pimpy. Apparently, Pimpy wants the cow and even offers Jack some dirty fairy tale pictures but Jack is hesitant…that is until Pimpy offers up a beautiful Gypsy woman in exchange for the cow. Jack does his thing and the Gypsy, out of gratitude, gives Jack some magic beans. What will jack’s mother say? How will Jack make the beans grow and where does the towering beanstalk go once they do grow?
Mother Goose then goes on to tell the tale of Cinderella and her wicked Step-Mother and two horrid Step-Sisters and how they torture and berate her. One day the Prince rides by the ultra-sexy Cinderella and their eyes meet. Is it fate? Soon after, The King demands his Prince get married so he throws a ball to locate the best woman suited to the Prince. Cinderella desires to go but her cruel Step-Mother won’t allow her to. Luckily Cinderella has a loving fairy godmother that’s willing to help get Cinderella to the ball even if she’s naked!! Will Cinderella get her Prince and live happily ever after? Is there even such a thing?
Lastly, Mother Goose tells us about Little Red Riding Hood, a beautiful and innocent young woman living in the forest. She’s been invited to a wedding and she’s late! While running through the forest she meets a series of horny woodsmen and hunters interested in receiving payment in order to allow Red Riding Hood to pass through their woods.
Red pays…OH DOES SHE PAY.
Will Red Riding Hood make the wedding in time? What will the wedding party think when she arrives naked?
Once Upon A Girl is good clean porntastic fun! If this film doesn’t put a smile on your pants and a tingle in your underwear, you just ain’t right! This was so a ball to watch and the characters were all hilarious! How can you not love a film that introduces us to a homosexual troll and Snow White’s 8th dwarf Pimpy! MY GOD THAT’S GOOD STUFF! I couldn’t stop laughing as I watched the film. Hell, I even got randy a few times!
Andy Griffith fans will get a major kick out of seeing town drunk Otis Campbell playing “Mother” Goose! He’s hideous to look at but man is he funny. I kinda figured after this flick his career would have been ruined but I was dead wrong! This guy went on to work in dozens and dozens of Disney films! Good for him!
Severin’s transfer looks wonderful for such an old cartoon. I can’t imagine how it’s been treated all these years. They also include a theatrical trailer and a 9 minute interview with producer William B. Silberkleit. The information he gives is kinda fun but once the interview ends that’s about where the extras stop. I suppose there wasn’t much out there available regarding the making of this film which is a shame. Seeing some of the original storyboards and hearing some outtakes from the voice actors might have been funny but you get what you get.
I HIGHLY recommend checking this out if you’re 18 years or older. If you’re one of those porn fans that CLAIM to only purchase porn with stories…purchase Once Upon A Girl. It’s a joy for the whole family…well…not really…don’t let your kids see this you freak.
