DVD Release
*sniff sniff*
Can you smell that? It’s faint but you can smell it if you try hard enough. No? Folks, that there is the smell of horrors flame fizzling out. Another couple of Skinwalker: Curse of the Shaman’s and you can kiss this fantastic horror boom goodbye. I was far less shocked by this film’s yawn inducing story and lack of tension than the fact that this was released by Anchor Bay!
When did Anchor Bay start releasing low budget shot-on-video snoozers like this? They’ve even slapped on the fancy cover (TRANSLATION: the monster on the cover ain’t the monster in the movie) and prerequisite “Festival Wreath”! I don’t know if some of you know this or not but they hand those “Festival Winner” leaves out with every purchase of a Belgian Waffle at I.H.O.P. while supplies last! I can’t even imagine the dreadful films the Hollywood Investigator Halloween Horror film awards were subjected to before slapping the winning award on this yawnfest! They must have been truly desperate.
Really, what’s the deal Anchor Bay? I used to think this kind of junkola was strictly Lionsgate territory. Perhaps the 49-year-old pot smoker that used to acquire movies for Lionsgate jumped ship and found a home at Anchor Bay? Who knows?
Skinwalker: Curse of the Shaman is a boring; bed-ridden, pale-skinned cross between I Know What you Did Last Summer and The Blair Witch Project. Unfortunately Skinwalker has none of the tension, emotion, acting, cinematography, plot, class or brains shared by the other two.
Brooke Carter (Amanda Paytas), a college mythology student, and her cameraman A.J. (Timothy Parham) have decided to make documentary on “The Curse”. Apparently, this curse dates back to 1969 when a group of small town teens hit an old Indian shaman (D.C. Velas) on the side of the road. They’re never brought to justice but this mysterious curse exacts revenge years later upon the guilty teens own children!
Brooke and A.J. are determined to get to the bottom of these teens disappearances in the canyon and the curse that may be behind it.
*ahem*
The end.
What was the curse? They don’t say. Who made the curse? It’s never really clear though anybody with a walnut sized brain will be able to deduce it was the old Indian man’s wife. All we know is there’s this “skinwalker” (Mike Moroff of Return of the Living Dead III) that shapeshifts and hunts the teens down. WHOOPEE! Want to know what happened? Watch the deleted scenes because somebody truly brilliant decided to cut the actual curse out.
My God, what a tedious, heartless pile of insomnia cure! The editing in this film was absolutely atrocious and about 48 minutes and 36 seconds in you’ll start wondering if film editor Jeff Woodward fell asleep during the process. The film was so sliced and diced that there’s instances in which characters reminisce about actions that aren’t even in the film! Did Anchor Bay even watch this?
Not only is the plot weak and story paper thin but what in the hell were they thinking when they put this soundtrack together?
“Hey let’s put this doinky dinky country clown music in every time our crappy comedic relief shows up! Oh by the way, are we going to use this light country love song or this light rock love song? Which sounds better to you?”
GAH! Bad bad bad. The music robs whatever itsy bitsy bit of tension this film might have generated. All it needed was the Pax Channel logo in the corner and I could have sworn it was an episode of “Doc”! I kept waiting for Billy Ray Cyrus to show up! Light country love songs, no nudity, no swearing…what kind of horror film was director Steve Steven’s going for again?
The acting, for the most part was stiff and uninspired, typical low budget acting. Just like I always say though, “You do what you can with what you have”. I won’t fault the production for the acting but I will fault the production for the ridiculous inclusion of the Northern accented “miner” Crazy Louie (Johnny Legend of 2001 Maniacs). Legend was obviously the comedic relief; the only problem was his acting was so stale that the comedy feels forced and his character out-of-place.
The gore was reasonable though it won’t be anything you’ll be demanding to see on a T-shirt anytime soon.
The skinwalker monster is werewolfey, savage and absolutely boring. I’ve seen mini Pinchers inspire more terror.
With a better story, livelier acting and some gratuitous violence, language and nudity this could have been a step above the usual shitty low budget horror duds, unfortunately, it never aspires to even be sleazy. It plays it safe and predictable just like forgettable horror films should.
I think the only thing worth noting about Skinwalker: Curse of the Shaman was the guest appearance by the late James “Scotty” Doohan. I suppose the Star Trek fans out there will applaud this…me, I kept wondering who the withered old corpse was and didn’t realize who it was until the credits rolled. He doesn’t make or break the film; he’s more of an oddity.
Avoid this film at all costs and find something more constructive to do like counting your bed sheet’s thread count, darning Granny’s stockings or demolishing your frontal lobe with a knitting needle through your tear duct.
