OOP DVD
Don’t you just hate it when you rent a film, sit down to watch it, start to hate it and end up liking it despite its shortcomings? You end up feeling like such a tool, right? It doesn’t happen often for me but it does occasionally occur. Usually after the movie the intense desire to wrestle with a midget in a pit of glass, fruitcake and ferret poo subsides only to be replaced by a warm, fuzzy feeling. Hmm…wow…that was twisted.
Anyhow, The Lonely Ones caught me off guard like a sucker punch to the nads delivered by a 93 year old greeter at Wal-Mart. One minute I’m getting ready to hate on the flick, the next I was ready to pat it on the back and let it know “You weren’t so bad after all.” There’s only one major problem, in my opinion, with The Lonely Ones and that is the company distributing it.
You know how I always bitch about Lionsgate and their deceptive DVD cover artwork? Well, now I’ve got a beef to pick with York Entertainment. See…I’m not one of their biggest fans but they do occasionally drop a flick that’s definitely worth seeing (Corpses) and definitely worth owning (Kolobos). Why would a company as big as York Entertainment treat their releases they way they do? Not only does The Lonely Ones release NOT contain special features but it doesn’t even have a goddamn MENU! No fuckin’ menu folks! It’s just a grey screen and a little picture with running time! What the fuck York Entertainment?! There’s simply NO excuse for this kind of shit. I’ve seen low budget films released by companies that are run out of basements that sport menus! A few weeks ago I watched a DVD released by a 16 year old kid that had menus!
Do you hold that much contempt for the genre and the consumers that purchase your products?
The genre deserves better, consumers deserve better and David Michael Quiroz Jr.’s film deserved better. Shame on you Tanya York for allowing your product to hit shelves looking like this!
Rant over…back to the film.
Nine twenty-somethings decide to head out to their friend Tifa’s secluded cabin for a bit of partying. On their way out to the cabin the group stops off at a small rest stop to refuel and stretch their legs. As one would expect, the woods where the cabin reside aren’t safe according to an odd “Crazy Ralph” type dude loitering about. He brings up the tragic events surrounding the disappearance of a bunch of sorority girls but, as always, nobody is in the mood for tall tales.
Once they arrive, the dudes and dudettes begin settling in for their stay. The drinking commences and as we all know…scary stories are a must! Each begins telling a story when Dean Cain look-alike Cid brings up the legend of Metalhead, a crazed, murderous biker with a metal plate in his head. This description reminds them of another weird character they spotted up at the gas station. Could they be the same person?
When the storytelling steers onto the topic of the missing sorority girls, everybody automatically assumes its nothing but an urban legend similar to the Metalhead story…but is it? Nerdy brain-geek girl plugs in the old computer and before you know it she’s got the info they need! Not only did those girls really go missing but they went missing in the very cabin they’re all staying in!! Coincidence?
Things seriously go to hell when one of the girls spots the gas station biker in her room! Despite the guy’s valiant attempt to find the biker, he’s long gone. Could he be there to kill them? Maybe he was behind the disappearance of the sorority girls?
Before The Lonely Ones spirals into a horrid slasher flick, it quickly changes direction and we’re confronted with the possibility that one amongst them may be a demonic creature bent on devouring all of them! Is the biker their key to survival? Who will live, die and switch sides?
The Lonely Ones COULD have been horrible but it was actually quite cool because of its surprising change-up. It’s no masterpiece and I certainly wouldn’t recommend purchasing it without renting it first but I’d say its well worth a few rentals! I have a feeling Quiroz Jr. knew people would automatically assume this would be a slasher film so he went with it until the last possible minute before revealing the real “monsters” hunting the group. Color me impressed.
As is the case with most low budget films, the acting is hit or miss. It goes from being really good to high school drama class quality. Some of the characters were also a bit “stock” like “The Jerk”, “The Jock”, “The Brain, “The Token Black Guy” and so on. You work with what you have though and Quiroz Jr. works it extra hard like a stripper with one tit.
Now, I know some of you gorehounds out there are beating your sweaty foreheads against the wall demanding to know whether The Lonely Ones has gore and I can happily say yes…it does. There’s severed heads, dislodged meatwads, flayed skin suits and some super nasty body chomping; the gore FX was solid stuff. You gotta appreciate a low budget flick that does its best to make up for its shortcomings by shoveling on the icky red slime!
The only thing this fun little flick needed was some sleazy T&A and I could have easily handed this three and a half stars! Unfortunately, it didn’t. That really didn’t bother me as much as the lack of extras and menu did though. I’d much rather have a menu and extras than jiggling bits.
If this film were selling for $5 to $7 I’d recommend purchasing it as is but from what I’ve seen this DVD isn’t selling for anything less than $15 and in my opinion that’s theft for the quality of product being offered. My suggestion is to keep an eye out for this flick when it hits the bargain bins at Wal-Mart or plummets in price online. Until then a rental should be sufficient.
