DVD Release
Well, the remake craze has struck again and hit out our beloved exploitation film, The Hills Have Eyes! How will we ever survive as horror fans knowing such a classic is RUINED forever? We’ll never be able to watch our original Hills disc knowing the remake has turned this classic into worthless shit! OH, WOE IS US!!
People, I love the original but I’m going to be completely honest here and shoot straight from the hip; The Hills Have Eyes ‘06 is superior to the original. Sorry, perhaps that knocked me down a few pegs on the “horror purist” list but it makes no sense for me to claim it’s “just okay” when it’s obviously BETTER than the original. The Hills Have Eyes ’06 is what remakes should be all about!
I almost feel dirty having to throw down on a synopsis because I’m hoping most of you already know the story but for those of you that don’t, here’s the low down.
The Carter’s are the classic American nuclear family. The Father, Big Bob (Ted Levine of Silence of the Lambs) is a retired police detective looking to start his own security company, Ethel (Kathleen Quinlan), the Mother, is a God fearin’ prayer warrior, eldest daughter Lynn (Vinessa Shaw) is the “stand by yer man” type of woman with a newborn child, son-in-law Doug (Aaron Stanford) is a shaggy liberal, looking toward the future and the two younger kids, Bobby (Dan Byrd) and Brenda (Emilie De Ravin), are sassy but dedicated to the Family unit despite Bob dragging them all the way out into the desert. They are everything American Families used to be. This could almost be a Norman Rockwell painting!
When the Carter’s decide to stop for gas, they receive “shortcut” directions from the skanky old coot (Tom Bower) helming the pumps. Naturally, the family is incredibly trusting and they head back out on their adventure taking this “alternate route”. This is a rather secluded road though and Big Bob never sees “it” comin’! A spike strip thrown out into the middle of the road blows the tires on their vehicle and they slam into a rock. They’re stranded with a broken axle and no help for miles.
Big Bob and Doug decide to split up in opposite directions and seek out some type of help. This, of course, leaves the Family alone and in the care of young Bobby. There’s something just not right though. After Bobby discovers their dog Beauty lying amongst some rocks, gutted, he realizes there’s somebody in the hills…somebody watching them.
The Carter’s have no idea what they’re up against. These hill folk are awful hungry and nothing will keep them from their prey! The Carter’s are about to meet the family from Hell!
Well…director Alexandre Aja and writing partner Grégory Levasseur definitely took a few liberties with this film. It’s still The Hills Have Eyes we remember but this remake has this thing…this strange…bizarre…thing…what could it be? OH YEAH…A STORY! Aja and Levasseur have breathed new life into the original concept and introduced us to a horrifying vision of the “disaffected & dysfunctional” Family unit. These “hill folk” are not dirty, biker scum that resemble extras from a Mad Max flick, no these desert dwellers are hideous, malformed freaks filled with a terrifying rage courtesy of the U.S. Government and their radioactivity. Four fucking fingers never looked so good!
Now, I could probably yammer on and on about the sub-text and how important it is to recognize this film’s “socio-political commentary” but I’d much rather concentrate on the entertainment value. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s there! I thought it was used to far greater effect than George A. Romero’s Land of the Dead but when it comes down to it…when the beer is flowing freely and the Taco Bell tacos are flying through the air…the last thing you’ll give two shits and a whistling granny about is the “deep meaning”.
This unrated DVD was just plain ruthless. If this was an ORIGINAL film and not a remake, fans would be hailing this as a modern day classic like The Devil’s Rejects. It was overflowing with stomach churning tension and Aja didn’t skimp once on the gore and violence. I literally felt my heart drop when Lizard (Robert Joy) made his move on Brenda.
The acting is this was top notch. After all, we’re talking Ted Levine and Kathleen Quinlan here.
Speaking of acting…was anybody else LOVING Michael (Monster Man) Bailey Smith’s portrayal of Pluto? I mean, I was a tad bit disappointed there was no Mars but Pluto really made up the hair stand up on my arms. Now, I know he sort of resembled Sloth from Goonies but you have to give KNB EFX Group major applause on their mutant designs. How fucking chilling was it to hear Big Brain (Desmond Askew) delivering his rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” and then to actually SEE the character?
The Hills Have Eyes: The Version To Die For (Unrated Edition) was loaded with extras but one still gets the feeling we’ll be seeing The Hills Have Eyes: The Director’s Cut Never Meant For Consumers (NC-17 Edition) soon. Am I being cynical? Probably, I’d still highly recommend grabbing this though. This is a “must have” for horror fans.
