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If you ask the average person on the street to define the Holy Trinity, odds are they’ll answer, “The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” Ask a chef, and they’re more likely to say, “Carrots, celery and onions.” Ask a horror geek, and you’ll get widely varying answers. Some will say, “Shepis, Quigley and Munro.” Others will say, “Carpenter, Craven and Gordon.” Okay, maybe not Craven.
If you ask me right now, I will tell you the Holy Trinity consists of Landau, Pleasance and Palance. All three of these incredible actors came together for one brief shining moment known as Alone in the Dark, an overlooked gem from the 1980’s, a sweet remembrance from my childhood that, twenty-four years later, holds up as a vital addition to the genre.
What do these four people have in common?
First, we have Frank Hawkes (Jack Palance), a former Special Forces officer. He likes weaponry. A lot. Next, we have Byron “Preacher” Sutcliffe (Martin Landau), a former minister who likes to set churches on fire, usually when the faithful are gathered inside. Next on the hit parade is Ronald “Fatty” Elster (Erland van Lidth), a massive gargantuan man who likes little girls a tad too much, if you get my meaning, nudge nudge wink wink. Finally, meet Skaggs (Phillip Clark). He loves to kill people, but whenever he does he gets an incredible nosebleed. Skaggs’ nickname is, amazingly enough, “The Bleeder.”
Have you guessed it yet?
Well, sure! They’re all best friends at a wonderful high-security mental institution. It’s like The Real World: Arkham Asylum. Everything is hunky-dory until their doctor, the beloved Dr. Melton, leaves for another job. This leaves our four anti-heroes in a therapeutic funk. Sure, Dr. Bain (Donald Pleasance) is around, but he smokes pot in a Native American peace pipe all the time and keeps talking about how crazy people are simply “voyagers.” They’re just on a different trip.
How can you trust a guy like that to guide you through your mental illnesses? Obviously, someone else has to take over.
That person is Dr. Dan Potter (Dwight Schulz), a mild-mannered psychiatrist who has just moved into town with his family. It’s hard enough starting over in a new place with your loved ones, including your sister, Toni (Lee Taylor-Allan), who is recovering from a breakdown of her own. But when you realize that the four nutballs under your care believe that you killed their old doctor (that’s why he left) and that you must be murdered to make things right, odds are you’re in for a bad week.
The security system at the asylum is all based on electricity. That makes sense. Electric doors, electrified windows and fences, and perhaps you can rock down to Electric Avenue. This is the eighties, after all.
Toni has dragged Dr. Potter and his wife to the Jersey shore to see seminal punk band, the Sic F*cks, who perform a great version of “Chop Up Your Mother.” Unfortunately, during the show, the power goes out. It’s not just that the Sic F*cks have blown out the fuses with their unmitigated rock and roll power, it’s a blackout, practically statewide. Suddenly, the Fearsome Foursome are free as the power outage leaves the asylum unprotected. Armed with Dr. Potter’s address after ransacking his office, the four steal a vehicle during a looting session and head out to find the doctor’s house. Murderous intent? Duh. These guys are out for crazy vengeance.
Alone in the Dark is a tight little movie, chock full of genre favorites giving great performances. I mean, where else are you going to find Martin Landau and Jack Palance acting completely nuts, while Donald Pleasance acts utterly crazy in a non-threatening way? What about Erland van Lidth, the crazy fat convict with a beautiful voice from Stir Crazy, showing a depth and range no one ever really though possible? Top that off with a heaping helping of Dwight Schultz. That’s right, Howlin’ Mad Murdoch from The A-Team. Schultz gives us exactly the right amount of pathos and compassion as the unfairly set upon Dr. Potter, trying not only to protect his family, but trying to do the best thing for his new patients. And if you think Lin Shaye is hot now, wait until you see 1982 Lin Shaye answering the phone at the asylum.
Jack Sholder is the man responsible for this movie, and he is such an underrated director. Sholder brought us the horror-fi classic The Hidden, with Kyle MacLachlan and the wacky strange urban sort of western, Renegades, with Kiefer Sutherland and Lou Diamond Phillips. Sure, he may have made arguably the worst sequel to Nightmare on Elm Street (the second one, which is absolute boiled crap), but I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for his work. He’s at the top of his game with Alone in the Dark. The script is well-done, even though it has the dreaded social commentary and subtext, and his direction is top-notch.
You can hear him talk about the flick on his audio commentary. There are also interviews with Carol Levy and the Sic F*cks.
Please don’t confuse this with the Stephen Dorff/Christian Slater movie of the same name. Make sure you’ve got the right Alone in the Dark. When you do, fill your golden goblet with a rich red wine and bow down before the Holy Trinity. Sure, it’s great to see the Sic F*cks in action again, but there’s a celebration of horror going on here. Start the ceremony in your living room tonight.
